Two and a Half Men

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She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor) arrives.

Wed 2/10 6:00-6:30pm 41 WCWN

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.

Wed 2/10 7:00-7:30pm 33 WPIX Wed 2/10 7:30-8:00pm 3 WRGB

She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor) arrives.

Wed 2/10 11:00-11:30pm 33 WPIX

The Ocu or the Pado? When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor), her response is nothing like what he'd expected.

Thu 2/11 6:00-6:30pm 41 WCWN

Working for Caligula Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle; Alan breaks down following his second divorce.

Thu 2/11 7:00-7:30pm 33 WPIX Thu 2/11 7:30-8:00pm 3 WRGB

The Ocu or the Pado? When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor), her response is nothing like what he'd expected.

Thu 2/11 11:00-11:30pm 33 WPIX

My Son's Enormous Head Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick and he is forced to take care of her.

Fri 2/12 6:00-6:30pm 41 WCWN

Who's Vod Kanockers? Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor (Steven Tyler) causes trouble.

Fri 2/12 7:00-7:30pm 33 WPIX Fri 2/12 7:30-8:00pm 3 WRGB

My Son's Enormous Head Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick and he is forced to take care of her.

Fri 2/12 11:00-11:30pm 33 WPIX

The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a child and fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to stay out of trouble himself.

Sat 2/13 6:00-6:30pm 41 WCWN

Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers Alan gets a taste of what Charlie's sex life is like when he meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.

Sat 2/13 6:00-6:30pm 33 WPIX

Yes, Monsignor Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right (Denise Richards) and is pleased to learn her marriage did not work out.

Sat 2/13 7:00-7:30pm 33 WPIX

The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a child and fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to stay out of trouble himself.

Sat 2/13 7:30-8:00pm 3 WRGB

My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking; Jake sees a therapist (Jane Lynch).

Sun 2/14 5:30-6:00pm 33 WPIX

The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a child and fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to stay out of trouble himself.

Sun 2/14 11:00-11:30pm 33 WPIX

A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister (Camryn Manheim) to cater a party their mother has conned them into throwing for her.

Sun 2/14 11:30-12:00am 33 WPIX

The Two Finger Rule Chelsea finds pictures of a naked woman on Charlie's phone.

Mon 2/15 6:00-6:30pm 41 WCWN

The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress Charlie is convinced he saw his late father while having a near-death experience.

Mon 2/15 7:00-7:30pm 33 WPIX Mon 2/15 7:30-8:00pm 3 WRGB

Mmm, Fish. Yum Alan cares for Judith's baby and her tipsy mother; Jake uses an incriminating picture to blackmail Charlie.

Mon 2/15 9:00-9:31pm 3 WRGB

The Two Finger Rule Chelsea finds pictures of a naked woman on Charlie's phone.

Mon 2/15 11:00-11:30pm 33 WPIX

Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau Evelyn finally meets Charlie and Chelsea.

Tue 2/16 6:00-6:30pm 41 WCWN

A Pot-Smoking Monkey After their split, Alan wants to gain custody of his and Kandi's dog.

Tue 2/16 7:00-7:30pm 33 WPIX Tue 2/16 7:30-8:00pm 3 WRGB

Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau Evelyn finally meets Charlie and Chelsea.

Tue 2/16 11:00-11:30pm 33 WPIX

Above Exalted Cyclops Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with Rose.

Wed 2/17 6:00-6:30pm 41 WCWN

A Live Woman of Proven Fertility Herb (Ryan Stiles) and Jake's relationship threatens wedding plans with Judith, so Alan and Charlie take action.

Wed 2/17 7:00-7:30pm 33 WPIX Wed 2/17 7:30-8:00pm 3 WRGB

Above Exalted Cyclops Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with Rose.

Wed 2/17 11:00-11:30pm 33 WPIX

Sir Lancelot's Litter Box Alan finds there is not much room for him left in the house when Charlie reluctantly lets Chelsea move in.

Thu 2/18 6:00-6:30pm 41 WCWN

Apologies for the Frivolity Charlie does not realize that his latest girlfriend is a younger version of his mother.

Thu 2/18 7:00-7:30pm 33 WPIX Thu 2/18 7:30-8:00pm 3 WRGB

Sir Lancelot's Litter Box Alan finds there is not much room for him left in the house when Charlie reluctantly lets Chelsea move in.

Thu 2/18 11:00-11:30pm 33 WPIX

Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth When Chelsea and Alan become best friends, Charlie tries to take advantage of the situation.

Fri 2/19 6:00-6:30pm 41 WCWN

Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head Charlie helps Berta confront the man who impregnated her daughter (Sara Rue); Alan satisfies a secret fetish.

Fri 2/19 7:00-7:30pm 33 WPIX Fri 2/19 7:30-8:00pm 3 WRGB

Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth When Chelsea and Alan become best friends, Charlie tries to take advantage of the situation.

Fri 2/19 11:00-11:30pm 33 WPIX

The Salmon Under My Sweater Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics; things heat up between Alan and Rose.

Sat 2/20 6:00-6:30pm 41 WCWN

A Lungful of Alan Alan's homely high-school friend (Paget Brewster) returns as a beautiful woman, and the brothers quickly begin competing for her attentions.

Sat 2/20 6:00-6:30pm 33 WPIX

Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair) When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.

Sat 2/20 7:00-7:30pm 33 WPIX

The Salmon Under My Sweater Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics; things heat up between Alan and Rose.

Sat 2/20 7:30-8:00pm 3 WRGB

That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their new neighbor (Brooke Shields).

Sun 2/21 5:00-5:30pm 33 WPIX

My Damn Stalker Charlie must face his feelings when Rose announces she is moving to London; Alan fudges his online dating profile, only to wind up with a fellow profile-embellisher (Allison Janney).

Sun 2/21 5:30-6:00pm 33 WPIX

The Salmon Under My Sweater Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics; things heat up between Alan and Rose.

Sun 2/21 11:00-11:30pm 33 WPIX

Last Chance to See Those Tattoos Jake discovers an angry Web site devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.

Sun 2/21 11:30-12:00am 33 WPIX

Baseball Was Better With Steroids When Charlie finds out that Mia is back in town, he begins to question his relationship with Chelsea; Judith is rushed to the hospital.

Mon 2/22 6:00-6:30pm 41 WCWN

Release the Dogs Alan takes Charlie's suggestion of a jog on the beach to cure his insomnia; Jake pleads with Charlie not to date the mother of a girl he likes.

Mon 2/22 7:00-7:30pm 33 WPIX Mon 2/22 7:30-8:00pm 3 WRGB

Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator Alan takes a job working for Evelyn; Charlie must mend Chelsea and Jake's rocky relationship.

Mon 2/22 9:00-9:31pm 3 WRGB

Baseball Was Better With Steroids When Charlie finds out that Mia is back in town, he begins to question his relationship with Chelsea; Judith is rushed to the hospital.

Mon 2/22 11:00-11:30pm 33 WPIX

Pilot Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.

Tue 2/23 6:00-6:30pm 41 WCWN

Corey's Been Dead for an Hour Charlie and Alan go on a double date, leaving Jake home alone for the first time.

Tue 2/23 7:00-7:30pm 33 WPIX Tue 2/23 7:30-8:00pm 3 WRGB

Pilot Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.

Tue 2/23 11:00-11:30pm 33 WPIX