The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman

The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman Recaps

• 'The Bachelor' recap: There Is No Joy in Panama, Mighty Casey Has Struck Out

  Welcome to Panama City (which is in Panama, which makes sense). We get the cheesy airplane-flies-over-map graphic again, and then the women arrive at their...

• 'The Bachelor' recap: I've Got You Under My Skinny Dipping

  We're on lovely Vieques Island in Puerto Rico. I've recapped several seasons of this mess by now, and I think I've figured out how the...

• 'The Bachelor' recap: It's Raining, Ben. Hallelujah!

  So the first few few minutes of The Bachelor tonight were cut off because of a governor's speech, and when we join the women, they've...

• 'The Bachelor' recap: Shawntel? More like "Yawntel," amirite?

  Ben Flanimal and the brain-dead bachelorettes are descending on San Francisco, which is the kind of thing the Centers for Disease Control should probably issue...

• 'The Bachelor' recap: "What Do You Get When You Cross a Gingerbread Man With a Hooker?"

  Sonoma, California, home of Ben Flajninkva, who is ecstatic because eighteen beautiful women are coming to vie for his affections. The women are currently in...

• 'The Bachelor' recap: "...And the horse you rode in on."

  Meet Ben Flanjnjnik! He's from one of my favorite seasons of The Bachelor/ette -- i.e. any season I didn't watch -- and apparently he proposed...

• 'The Bachelor' recap: Shouldn't Have Put a Ring On It

  The "previously on" clips that open the show -- about five hours' worth -- build the tension like the first seventy-five minutes of 127 Hours,...

• 'The Bachelor' recap: "It Hurts My Feelings That You're Angry About All the Awful Things I Said About You"

  Every season, as I recap this show, I manage to start to think that no one watches this show sincerely, that everyone's watching ironically, taking...

• 'The Bachelor' recap: "What's Wrong with You? Tell Me."

  The Bachelor is still ruining New York as we open this week, with Brad packing up to go to South Africa. Jesus Christ, South Africa....

• 'The Bachelor' recap: Chantal/Shawntel

  When Brad wakes up in New York City, there are only four women left on "The Bachelor." The rest he has tossed aside like day...