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Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

A hedonistic jingle writer's freewheeling life hits a snag when his brother and young nephew move into his beachfront house.

Premiere:
Sep 22, 2003
Original Network:
CBS

Upcoming Episodes of 'Two and a Half Men'

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.
Wed 2/10 6:00-6:30pm 9.1 WGNDT
She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor) arrives.
Wed 2/10 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT
Working for Caligula Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle; Alan breaks down following his second divorce.
Thu 2/11 6:00-6:30pm 9.1 WGNDT
The Ocu or the Pado? When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor), her response is nothing like what he'd expected.
Thu 2/11 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT
Who's Vod Kanockers? Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor (Steven Tyler) causes trouble.
Fri 2/12 6:00-6:30pm 9.1 WGNDT
My Son's Enormous Head Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick and he is forced to take care of her.
Fri 2/12 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a child and fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to stay out of trouble himself.
Sat 2/13 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT
The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress Charlie is convinced he saw his late father while having a near-death experience.
Mon 2/15 6:00-6:30pm 9.1 WGNDT
Mmm, Fish. Yum Alan cares for Judith's baby and her tipsy mother; Jake uses an incriminating picture to blackmail Charlie.
Mon 2/15 8:00-8:31pm 2.1 WBBMDT
Mon 2/15 8:00-8:31pm 22.1 WSBTDT
The Two Finger Rule Chelsea finds pictures of a naked woman on Charlie's phone.
Mon 2/15 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT
A Pot-Smoking Monkey After their split, Alan wants to gain custody of his and Kandi's dog.
Tue 2/16 6:00-6:30pm 9.1 WGNDT
Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau Evelyn finally meets Charlie and Chelsea.
Tue 2/16 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT
A Live Woman of Proven Fertility Herb (Ryan Stiles) and Jake's relationship threatens wedding plans with Judith, so Alan and Charlie take action.
Wed 2/17 6:00-6:30pm 9.1 WGNDT
Above Exalted Cyclops Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with Rose.
Wed 2/17 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT
Apologies for the Frivolity Charlie does not realize that his latest girlfriend is a younger version of his mother.
Thu 2/18 6:00-6:30pm 9.1 WGNDT
Sir Lancelot's Litter Box Alan finds there is not much room for him left in the house when Charlie reluctantly lets Chelsea move in.
Thu 2/18 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT
Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head Charlie helps Berta confront the man who impregnated her daughter (Sara Rue); Alan satisfies a secret fetish.
Fri 2/19 6:00-6:30pm 9.1 WGNDT
Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth When Chelsea and Alan become best friends, Charlie tries to take advantage of the situation.
Fri 2/19 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT
The Salmon Under My Sweater Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics; things heat up between Alan and Rose.
Sat 2/20 6:00-6:30pm 9.1 WGNDT
Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts After Alan falls off the roof, Charlie volunteers to watch Jake for the weekend.
Sat 2/20 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos Jake discovers an angry Web site devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.
Sun 2/21 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT
Release the Dogs Alan takes Charlie's suggestion of a jog on the beach to cure his insomnia; Jake pleads with Charlie not to date the mother of a girl he likes.
Mon 2/22 6:00-6:30pm 9.1 WGNDT
Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator Alan takes a job working for Evelyn; Charlie must mend Chelsea and Jake's rocky relationship.
Mon 2/22 8:00-8:31pm 2.1 WBBMDT
Mon 2/22 8:00-8:31pm 22.1 WSBTDT
Baseball Was Better With Steroids When Charlie finds out that Mia is back in town, he begins to question his relationship with Chelsea; Judith is rushed to the hospital.
Mon 2/22 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT
Corey's Been Dead for an Hour Charlie and Alan go on a double date, leaving Jake home alone for the first time.
Tue 2/23 6:00-6:30pm 9.1 WGNDT
Pilot Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.
Tue 2/23 10:30-11:00pm 9.1 WGNDT

Cast of 'Two and a Half Men'